Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize