I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I supernannyed him into submission
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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