The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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