I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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