We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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