So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
