so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
