if i can run in heels then i can drive
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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