I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
