So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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