If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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