Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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