yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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