If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
