Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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