i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
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didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
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Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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