arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
