ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
