you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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