What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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