I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
