i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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