The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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