Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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