I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
