I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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