she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Floor bacon is actually really good
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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