dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
