It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
