i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
