Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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