Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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