So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
