Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
