Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
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I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
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I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
May the power of my ass compel you!!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You ruined the universe
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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