1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
