My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
