No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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