i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
