you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
