Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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