I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
