I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
