I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
