420 ftw
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
