You really coming over, don't trick.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
