This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
