I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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