I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
