Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
