Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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