so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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