she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
