just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
