yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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