she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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