You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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