no, he came in my armpit
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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