u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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